i felt like all my different selves were pulling away from each other at once, all in opposite directions, until what remained was static, a buzzing, a discomfort, a lack of safety or form. so i clung on tightly to her, i rubbed my cheek against hers and felt myself melting into her skin. isn’t this wonderful? i thought aloud but i was twitching, my breathing heavy and uneven, my grasp desperate. if she didn’t coax me to sleep with the calm of her touch, i probably would’ve spun into myself, crumpled into her fists upon realizing the hollowness of my being.